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Gosh it seems like forever since I've updated.  I've had a horrible life experience,  so far one of the hardest of my life.  On January 10, 2011 my mom passed away unexpectedly.   She had a rare blood cancer, myelofibrosis, and even though we almost lost her last summer, she had been doing really well and in "recovery" of sorts.  There is no cure for this disease but she had been given a great "bill of health" the week before.   So it really shocked me when my sister called me Monday morning telling me mom was going into cardiac arrest at the hospital and it didn't look good.

The week after is honestly a blur......there was some family drama that just made things worse and honestly all I wanted to do was get back home.  It is almost surreal to me at times and seems like I was watching a bad movie.   Sometimes it  feels like that still, but then the strangest things will trigger a memory and I find myself overwhelmed with a loss I can't describe.  But I know she is no longer suffering and being a Christian I know she's in a much better place.  So I work through the pain and tears and go forward.

I miss her beyond words, but I am so very glad that I followed one of her many pieces of  advice. Mom always told us "Don't wait to give me flowers at my grave,  give me them when I can enjoy them."   I tried to follow that letting her know how much I loved her and how very grateful I was to have been blessed with such a wonderful woman for a mother.   She's the reason I'm the woman I am today.

I know as time goes by the pain will lesson but I don't think I will ever not miss the special place she held in my life.   There will always be something I want to share with her or get her advice about, but that's ok because I know because of her I have the strength to get through anything this life dishes out.  I was so very blessed to have her as long as I did and I tried my best to let her know how special she was.

Remember to tell those in your life how lucky you are and how very much you love them, because life is full of the "unexpected" and regret is a very bitter pill to swallow.